U : Ubuntu

Responsible Parenting: Be the parent your child needs

Ilaxi Patel, editor of and author of Guardian of
Angels gives a rundown of authoritarian parenting.

The greatest gift a parent can give to children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.  Parents are the ultimate role models for children. Every word, movement and action have an impact on the child. Their influence is more significant than any other person known to the child. Stephen Covey said, “Parents are handling life’s scripts to their children, scripts that in all likelihood will be acted out for the rest of children’s lives.

Parenting is important as Tag Parenting has been on the rise as the joint family concept is fading. Authoritarian Parenting with belief, “my way or go to highways” miss out on feelings of children as they think this is spoiling the child. They do not involve kids in problem-solving challenges; instead, they make rules and enforce punishments instead of discipline. Children of authoritarian parents are at a higher risk of developing self-esteem problems because their opinions aren’t valued.

When we talk about Authoritarian Parenting, it can also be stated asn Autocratic Parenting. Parents’ attitude towards the child is more demanding, more expectations and less being responsive to the needs and wants of the child.  This style of parenting is focused on Obedience, Discipline, Control and being Authoritarian. They expect the child to do what they say and want. They follow Strict Rules, give punishments and even offer no choices. They often hurt the self-esteem of the child with their rude, rough and unacceptable attitude. They are intolerant and ashamed of their behaviour with the ‘shouts and yells’ that irk anyone. They  lmost spank and show fear of monsters or slap the child for their unwanted behaviour. When a child wrongs, the whole world starts rotating at a speed that such parents can’t handle the situation and try to solve the issue. Instead of understanding why the child behaves the way he does, the parent will turn off the tables without finding the reason why he did that he shouldn’t.

The impact is bound to be Negative. Ultimately, the consequences are bound to be Negative than Positive as the child is the target of their behaviour. Some common effects are:

  1. Low self-esteem
  2. Bad social manners
  3. Lack of self-discipline
  4. Indecisiveness
  5. Insecurity
  6. Moody to creativity
  7. Behaviour problems
  8. Academic performance deters
  9. Hyper
  10. Anxiety
  11. Obesity
  12. Intolerant

Such children have found to be Rude and Angry though they are good at heart. They allow their frustrations at a pace gradually on others and are often ridiculed, bullied by other students due to their attitudinal straits. Children need love and care. As such they are
demanding and feel insecure at times. They are even overburdened and stressed due to many reasons; one is academic and peer pressures. Their attitude solely depends on Parenting styles which differ from Authoritarian to Authoritative, Permissive or Uninvolved Parenting. The psychological changes in children are attributed to the way a Parent interacts and show impulsive behaviour. So, it’s not surprising that a parent-child relationship that’s often filled with conflict and neglect would hurt a child’s emotional or mental behaviour.

Authoritarian Parenting isn’t all bad as revealed by researchers. The impact is significantly ‘Positive’ when it comes to :

  1. Being Responsible. Children of Authoritarian Parenting tend to bear responsibility and form a habit as they age.
  2. Disciplinary effects. Children of Authoritarian Parenting often are scared if they break the rules and bear consequences if they do so. Hence, they behave properly.
  3. Good Environmental surroundings. Children of Authoritarian Parenting often have good environmental surroundings as to the safety – keeping distance from bad friends and bad things as they are moulded right.
  4. Passionate and Enthusiasm. Children of Authoritarian Parenting are often found to be passionate and enthusiastic in all they do. They deem not to be a failure and forms this a part of the habit of outshining in all they do.
  5. Focused. Children of Authoritarian Parenting have a clear focus and do what they want. They are stubborn and set to reach their goals by following their heart and doing what they want to do.

So, you see, The Positive and Negatives of this Authoritarian Parenting style is often confusing. However, choose the right style of being Authoritative rather than Authoritarian as the negative impacts stand more. If a parenting style is Authoritarian, quickly sort for

  1. Keep Patience. First and foremost is be PATIENT. It is a virtue to have Patience, especially with children.
  2. Listen and Talk. Open Communication without Anger works Positive. Keep Cool and Listen. Talk and Discuss. How often a child will reveal what he thinks, and a parent will also realize where they are wrong in managing and need a change.
  3. Mistakes and they Teach. Learn from your own mistakes and let children learn from their mistakes. Every tiny step taken climbs to the top. Let not the kids stumble.
  4. Set Limits but be practical.
  5. Be decisive by being expressive and caring

Parenting is all about living life together and raising healthy children. It’s fun all the way – be flexible, be understanding, be considerate and over and above, be loving, humble, kind and positive. Give respect to the child, and he respects you. Speak loving words and he reverts the same way. Build confidence and the child hold your fingers to climb the steps with confidence.

The best kind of a Parent you can be is to lead by example. Your influence is absolute as they initially learn from parents, then teachers and then their surrounding environment. There are no set rules or a guide for you to follow as a parent. Parenting depends on your family set-up and the societal environment that you live in, but as experts have broadly divided parenting into various styles with the prominent ones – Authoritative and Authoritarian Parenting styles, it is a check to your parenting style and adopt by first demonstrating goodness within self and setting examples as it often bounce back. Just remember, children are observers, and they are the best judge. To be a peaceful parent, educate self to Respect self and others, promote simplicity, let go of the worries and fear, give yourself and your family a healthy diet and healthy environment. Absence of this may lead to conflicts in couples too. Not to go in detail; it sums up all that, “Better couples with healthy relationships spend quality time together and raise happy children.”

It is your life; Sure it affects others too!  Happiness is what you choose or shrug off the blues!

(This article originally appeared at and has been reproduced with permission)


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